Steady State

For endurance athletes, a steady state workout is a constant effort that can be sustained over a long period of time. Coming out of a week of tragedy that flipped our lives upside down, I suspect that many of us are approaching our daily lives the same way we would this type of workout. Feeling steady is requiring some effort these days.

Saturday morning, completely free from soreness in my muscles, I set out for my first post-marathon run. It was a warm, gray day, and for the first time in months, I stuck in my headphones to drown out my thoughts while I was running. I took the same route I have most days for the past year since I started this journey, but something felt different. Drivers actually stopped for me at crosswalks. Runners gave a more substantial greeting to each other than the customary wave. I smiled and waved at the police officers who were managing traffic, and called 'thank you' to them as I crossed the street. 

I let all the stress and panic of Friday fall away. I let the confusion and frustration of Monday fade. For the first time in months, I didn't leave the house knowing how many miles I was going to run. I didn't care about my pace. I just ran. I jogged easily up a hill that used to leave me winded and dizzy, and thought about how far I've come since I first set foot on these sidewalks a year ago. I've grown stronger, and not just physically.

As I rounded the corner of my street, my legs picked up and I began to sprint, just as I have at the end of most weekday workouts. I flew past the homes of my neighbors who have supported me and cheered me on throughout this journey. I slowed down at the end of the street, and as I turned around to walk home, the sun suddenly came out, revealing a new spring landscape in front of me. At the same moment, this song started to play on the station I was listening to. And all I could do was cry.

    

May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground.