This morning was like any other morning, except that my alarm went off 15 minutes earlier than normal. The alarm clock enforcer, also known as my cat, Jaxx, was quick to jump up by my face and remind me with his tiny, indignant squeals that this meant it was time to be awake. I sat up, and it became clear that something wasn't right. Upon further inspection, it appeared that one of my toes had swelled up inexplicably overnight. And it hurt. A lot.
I stumbled around the apartment and found some breakfast. I ate it and squinted angrily at the screen of my phone. As it does every day, the time that I tell myself I am going to leave for my run quickly approached. I grumbled, alone, on the couch. I looked at my weather app to try and give me another reason to skip this one, but it said 31 degrees - feels like 31 degrees. 30 degrees warmer than my last run. No excuses.
I groggily pulled some tights out of the closet. Socks out of the dryer. A running top off of the drying rack. My other cat, Pepper, looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to sit back down so that he could curl up on my lap. Instead, I put on my running shoes.
As soon as I got outside, it was a whole different world. The sky was still white, whiter than the two-day-old blanket of snow on the ground. The ice had melted. The breeze was calm.
I don't think I have ever written about an everyday run. Training for a marathon means a lot of mornings spent making a choice: do I give into my petty doubts and grumbles? Or do I suck it up and know that I'll thank myself later?
So I ran. I watched the sky turn from white to peach to blue. I stopped to pick slush out of my socks. Twice. A minivan honked at me. I thanked the people who stopped for me at crosswalks. I cursed the hills, still covered in inches of muck, for making me work twice as hard. And yet, I felt a sense of peace. Some days, it's not about the finish line, or even the starting line. It's about getting to work. And I tell you, if the Boston Marathon takes place in 2 inches of slush this year, I will be ready to take on every Kenyan.
Tomorrow, we take on Heartbreak for the first time. Let's get to work.
Friday, December 20, 2013
Monday, December 16, 2013
Balance
There has been a lot going on these days that has me thinking about balance. There are so many different things in our lives pulling us in so many directions. Balancing work life with home life. Balancing the care we provide to others with the attention we give ourselves. Balancing the need to make progress toward our long-term goals with the risk of burning out in the short term.
I have always been the type of person who needs routines. There has always been an order to the way I get ready for work. Ready for bed. It was easy for me, at first, to fall into the routine of a training schedule. The problem with relying on routines, however, is when I begin to hate them. I let myself fall into a trap last winter where I was completing the vast majority of my runs in the gym, on the treadmill. It started because the sidewalks in town were so often totally lost under inches of ice and my routes were cut off by frequent, hip-high snowbanks. However, since I was also completing my cross-training in the gym, it meant that every morning consisted of the same minutes and hours spent willing myself to get in the car and drive there. Worse, I would often put it off for so long that I would make myself late, cutting into the time I needed to get ready for work and messing up my other routines. I recall one day I made it to work with one ring on. I typically wear one on each hand, and I was so confounded as to how I could remember to put on one and not the other. Off-balance.
This year, I am taking a different approach. Rather than spending every day at the gym, I have a) stayed outside for every run I possibly could and b) tried to change up my cross-training routine. Thus, I discovered hot yoga. I feel years behind my friends who tried this out ages ago, but now, I'm in love. How in love? Let me name the ways.
1) First word: HOT. I forgot that I can get in a workout and still feel my face afterwards. I hate being cold and it's such a nice reward to have days where I don't have to brave the elements longer than the walk from my car to my office and back.
2) Second word: Yoga. I had not really thought about the fact that, while running makes me stronger, it has also taken away some of my flexibility. My muscles know how to pound out repeated strides these days, and little more. I didn't realize how much I needed a good stretch until I got to the mat.
3) Each workout is completely outside my control. What I mean by that is that the class is run by an instructor who is guiding us through a flow, and I do not have to plan a route, or a pace. There are no numbers. There is no watch. Someone else calls the shots.
4) Each workout is completely within my control. I can decide how deep to take each lunge. How far to stretch each twist. How much to push myself.
Lastly, I feel as though the philosophy of practicing yoga itself has the potential to change the way I think about approaching each morning, regardless of what my schedule says. I will check in with myself and decide what I need today. I will shut my eyes and close my mouth and just breathe.
I love running; I do. But allowing myself to take a day off and do something completely different has perhaps made me appreciate my outdoor days that much more.
This realization also has me thinking differently about the other conflicting forces in my life. I feel so stressed out this time of year about the vast number of people I feel obligated to see, but maybe I just need to adjust my expectations. Yes, I would love to catch up with this friend, but instead of coordinating with our other 9 friends and trying to set up a giant dinner date, maybe what we need is to just sit on the couch covered in blankets and drink tea and talk. Maybe I need to make sure I schedule at least one day to go nowhere and snuggle with my kittens and not feel guilty about it. Maybe I just need to mange my own expectations of myself.
Ambition is important. Setting and reaching long-term goals is important. But from now on, I will be making sure I balance all of the energy I put into my training and my job and all of the many relationships in my life with something else. I will close my eyes and check in: "What do I need today?"
I have always been the type of person who needs routines. There has always been an order to the way I get ready for work. Ready for bed. It was easy for me, at first, to fall into the routine of a training schedule. The problem with relying on routines, however, is when I begin to hate them. I let myself fall into a trap last winter where I was completing the vast majority of my runs in the gym, on the treadmill. It started because the sidewalks in town were so often totally lost under inches of ice and my routes were cut off by frequent, hip-high snowbanks. However, since I was also completing my cross-training in the gym, it meant that every morning consisted of the same minutes and hours spent willing myself to get in the car and drive there. Worse, I would often put it off for so long that I would make myself late, cutting into the time I needed to get ready for work and messing up my other routines. I recall one day I made it to work with one ring on. I typically wear one on each hand, and I was so confounded as to how I could remember to put on one and not the other. Off-balance.
This year, I am taking a different approach. Rather than spending every day at the gym, I have a) stayed outside for every run I possibly could and b) tried to change up my cross-training routine. Thus, I discovered hot yoga. I feel years behind my friends who tried this out ages ago, but now, I'm in love. How in love? Let me name the ways.
1) First word: HOT. I forgot that I can get in a workout and still feel my face afterwards. I hate being cold and it's such a nice reward to have days where I don't have to brave the elements longer than the walk from my car to my office and back.
2) Second word: Yoga. I had not really thought about the fact that, while running makes me stronger, it has also taken away some of my flexibility. My muscles know how to pound out repeated strides these days, and little more. I didn't realize how much I needed a good stretch until I got to the mat.
3) Each workout is completely outside my control. What I mean by that is that the class is run by an instructor who is guiding us through a flow, and I do not have to plan a route, or a pace. There are no numbers. There is no watch. Someone else calls the shots.
4) Each workout is completely within my control. I can decide how deep to take each lunge. How far to stretch each twist. How much to push myself.
Lastly, I feel as though the philosophy of practicing yoga itself has the potential to change the way I think about approaching each morning, regardless of what my schedule says. I will check in with myself and decide what I need today. I will shut my eyes and close my mouth and just breathe.
I love running; I do. But allowing myself to take a day off and do something completely different has perhaps made me appreciate my outdoor days that much more.
This realization also has me thinking differently about the other conflicting forces in my life. I feel so stressed out this time of year about the vast number of people I feel obligated to see, but maybe I just need to adjust my expectations. Yes, I would love to catch up with this friend, but instead of coordinating with our other 9 friends and trying to set up a giant dinner date, maybe what we need is to just sit on the couch covered in blankets and drink tea and talk. Maybe I need to make sure I schedule at least one day to go nowhere and snuggle with my kittens and not feel guilty about it. Maybe I just need to mange my own expectations of myself. Ambition is important. Setting and reaching long-term goals is important. But from now on, I will be making sure I balance all of the energy I put into my training and my job and all of the many relationships in my life with something else. I will close my eyes and check in: "What do I need today?"
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